I have watched several friends undergo dramatic weight-loss transformations and lifestyle changes and have been amazed and inspired, as well as overwhelmed and left feeling defeated. It has always just felt. I.M.P.O.S.S.I.B.L.E.
Back during the winter months I did a post about weight loss and getting serious. I ended up losing around 9 lbs. and then...well, went back to my old ways...gaining the 9 lbs. back and the low-confidence that got me where I am.
In the few months since then I have made a few self-discoveries. YES. I am addicted to food. I REALLY, REALLY like food. Sometimes I eat something that doesn't even taste that incredible but keep eating it anyway. Sometimes I eat something that DOES taste incredible and can't seem to put it down. I just want "ONE MORE BITE."
I have tried to identify WHY am I eating? WHY can't I let one or two bites be good enough? WHY must I go back to the jar of chocolate chips repeatedly throughout the day, "sneaking" a handful into my mouth while no one is watching and then walk away feeling "better?"
Do I really use food to cope with stress, sadness, anger? To celebrate when I am happy or with success? I never used to think that I used food for comfort, but maybe I do? I certainly have no willpower when something I like is placed in front of me. Usually I have less of a problem eating at home because I don't buy soda, sweets, chips etc. I won't buy the foods that trigger me to return to them over and over again throughout the day. BUT when I am at a potluck or a party...or a buffet...FORGET IT. Willpower out the window. I can walk in with the best intentions and then let it fly, just like the calories I inhale.
I think I sit down at night with something "good" because it's like a personal reward of a day well done. I have used it as a wind-down at the end of the day. When the kids are in bed and things are quiet it's the time I give to myself. I need to change that. I need to give myself time to exercise and to reward myself in other ways than with food.
I think part of the reason why I feel angry a lot is because I am angry with myself.
BUT...
It seems that there is never time for ME. I am mother, wife. I fulfill all needs within our home. Everyone else and everything else comes first. And I am exhausted. How do I go to bed earlier at night so I can wake up before the sun rises, when all is still, to work my hind end off? It seems that there are not enough hours in the day to accomplish all that needs to be done unless I stay up until the wee hours of the morning!! The last time I worked out at 4:30 a.m. consistently for a month I made myself sick repeatedly for two months.
I have to figure it out. I have to learn to let some things go...
So, I am on a journey. A QUEST really, to figure out WHY and HOW and to BUILD THE POWER within myself to tell myself "NO!" I want to live the Word of Wisdom (Doctrine and Covenants 89) and fill my body with good things...I want to FEEL and LOOK strong. My goal is not to be thin, but to be strong and feel good.
I want to go on a trip to Hawaii (maybe in the works for our 10th anniversary) and take a million pictures and not have to delete any because I look awesome, not embarrassing! I want to run down a beach in a bathing suit with my husband and feel completely free.
I had to write it down...get it out there. I NEED accountability. If anyone else wants to join me in this quest, to join me in recording your weekly BODY MAKE-OVER please leave a comment!!! If you are serious about it and want weekly accountability and support, like I do, I will create a separate private blog. I know it is possible and I need inspiration!!!
I am putting it out there...my goal is to lose 65 lbs. total. I think a healthy weight for my body type, height and age is 134 lbs. Yup 134, not 135, 134...I don't know it just feels good, to be under 135! What a dream that would be. The last time I weighed that I think I was like a freshman in high school and thought I was fat!
Well, here are the stats. Like I said, I am putting it out there. I don't care anymore, no more hiding what it is...
May 2012: 196 lbs.
June 2012: 192 lbs.
July 17th: 189
July 23: 188.8
August 3: 186.4 (down 9.6 lbs)
Considering posting my BEFORE pictures and pictures of progress...not sure if I am that brave...
9 comments:
Hey there! Such an awesome post. You are so honest. And I think everyone can relate. I admire you for your quest! You are such a strong woman, and I know you can do it. No joke that being a mom is crazy busy and there is barely a minute to spare in the day. My own personal quest is learning to say no to more projects or activities or whatever so I'm not so stressed anymore! Anyhow. I think you are awesome and beautiful. Cheers to less stress and healthy habits!
I'll do it with you, Hannah!!! I never thought I had a similar problem until last year, I realized that I was turning to food All the TIME. It's something I've been working on particularly for the last year and for the first time in so very long, I'm actually making progress. I don't have quite as far to go as you, but I'd still love to do this at your side. There is nothing in the world like having someone with you to encourage you. I have found these last 6 weeks that I've been working on it that I have to let things go to make time for working out. And I have. My laundry, in particular. :) Well - and many other things. Anywho, let me know what you want to do! I even have some before pictures! :) I'd share them on a PRIVATE blog. :)
Good for you, Hannah! I have been working on my weight issue this spring and summer, too. I've lost 27 1/2 so far. It's so hard, but I'm trying to keep motivated, too. I actually have almost 100 left to lose, so I made myself this chart with 100 squares on it. I'm going to color in a square each time I lose a pound. So far I've colored 2 and a half.
Thanks for your comments friends! Encouragement and support is the best!!! =)
While weight has never been an issue for me, I do need more accountability in other areas (like bedtime) and I, too, want to feel healthy and strong again. (The Olympics are killing my self-esteem!)
You can do it. You're amazing and you will get it done. Do you want to do a race with me next year? Any type of race, any distance, any place... you pick, and I'll be there by your side. Let the quest begin. :)
Oh, I am with you! It is a lot of work! And I'm still a work in progress myself. Everyday. It is so hard to put everything out there like that, and you're amazing. I would really love to do this with you, there is nothing that sounds better to me than feeling healthy, strong, and content with being ME. Oh, and I have some before pictures I can share... on a private blog, of course. :)
I LOVE your honesty and can totally relate!! I'm on board! I have a blog that I've never given out the address to yet, we could use that one it's titled, "TODAY IS THE DAY!" With me writing a lot of what you just wrote. I think I started that like last year or so. Anyway, I would love to support each other in this journey. Share recipes, share success stories and experiences.I'm hoping to lose 50 lbs before coming to Utah next year so let the journey begin!!!! I love you sis, and know we can do this!!!! Thanks for such a great post!!! You just prevented me from going into the kitchen and grabbing a handful of chocolate chips while the girls are napping! (I thought I was the only one who did that!) It's like I have to eat something EVERY time I go into the kitchen. If I need a pen, I walk out with a pen and something else. So I know I eat out of boredom and habit. Right now I'm trying to suck on a sugar free mint or gum when I get hungry and drink a tall glass of cold water and give myself 10 min to see if the "hunger" is still there. It helps! Anyway, I can go on and on about dieting....so i'll stop now! Thanks again for this post! xoxo
I'm a fan! I want to be part of the support group! If you do have a private blog, count me in. I've had a hard time ever being motivated to actually make the changes I know I need to. I feel like I have learned what it means to be healthy, but never quite understood how to APPLY it to my life... It would be so awesome to be in a support group with you and other inspirational ladies! I love you, I think your goals are amazing, and I know you can do this!
i kept reminding myself to return back to this post and comment~and i finally did!
i just wanted you to know how much i appreciate your courage and bravery. i've been on a quest just like yours for a while now and once i finally owned it like you, i actually started to change. yes, physically, but also in the way that i view myself. i am kinder, more loving to myself, and THAT is what has made the most difference for me. once i actually started taking care of myself, the rest fell into place and the weight started to drop.
i still have about 15-20 lbs i'd like to lose, but i agree with you, the most important thing for me is to feel healthy. and have some ENERGY for crying out loud!
if you start a separate blog for people participating along with you in this journey, count me in!
you are awesome, and i have always thought you are beautiful--i never even noticed your size/shape, etc. you just always look gorgeous to me!
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